09 September 2025•9 min read
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That time has arrived – your not-so-little one is getting ready to make the leap from primary to high school. For many the preparation process has started or about to start. Between the open days, uniform fittings, and subject selection chats, there’s another major aspect of this transition that might be keeping both you and your child up at night: friendships.
Will old friendships survive? Will they make new friends? What if their best mate goes to a different school? These worries are completely normal, and you’re definitely not alone in having them.
What’s Changing in the Friendship Department?
The jump to high school brings some big shifts in how friendships work:
For your child:
- They’re moving from being the big fish in a small pond to feeling like a tiny minnow again
- Their friendship circle suddenly expands from maybe 60 kids in their year to potentially hundreds
- The familiar faces they’ve known for years might be scattered across different classes or schools
- Their social identity is evolving as they figure out who they are in this new environment
For you as a parent:
- Your role shifts from playdate organiser to behind-the-scenes supporter
- You’ll have less visibility into your child’s daily social interactions
- The friendship dramas become more complex (and sometimes more intense)
- You might worry about your child finding “their people” in this bigger world
Preparing for the Friendship Transition
Here are some practical ways to help your child navigate this social shift in the months before high school begins:
1. Talk About Friendship Changes (Without the Panic)
Have casual chats about how friendships naturally evolve. Share your own stories about school transitions and changing friendships – including the good bits! Let them know it’s completely normal to feel nervous about the social side of high school.
“I remember when I started high school, I was worried about not knowing anyone in my classes. But by the end of the first term, I’d made some new friends I never would have met otherwise.”
2. Help Them Strengthen Existing Friendships
If your child has close friends heading to the same high school:
- Encourage them to discuss their hopes and worries together
- Help them plan how they’ll find each other in the first few days
- Remind them that it’s healthy to make new friends while keeping old ones
For friends going to different schools:
- Brainstorm ways to stay in touch (weekend catch-ups, sports clubs, after school hangout )
- Create some special memories together before the transition
- Reassure them that good friendships can survive different schools
3. Build Their Friendship-Making Muscles
The skills for making new friends don’t always come naturally, but you can help your child practice:
- Role-play simple conversation starters (“What primary school did you go to?” “Which subjects are you looking forward to?”)
- Encourage them to join orientation days and transition programs
- Remind them that everyone is in the same boat – looking for connections
- Practice the art of showing interest in others by asking questions
Your High School Transition Toolkit
Here are a few resources that can help you and your teen feel more prepared for the social side of high school:
- The Teenage Guide to Friends: by Nicola Morgan This is a fantastic, practical guide for teens that covers everything from making new friends to dealing with toxic friendships and cyber-bullying. It’s written by a well-being expert and is a great resource for boosting confidence.
- A High School Student Planner: One of the biggest changes in high school is the need for better organization. A good planner can help your teen manage their new schedule, keep track of assignments, and reduce the stress that comes with a heavier workload.
- Social Skills for Teens: Alexander Knight – 9 Essential Steps to a New Social Life, Foster Resilience, Cultivate Personal Growth, and Build True Bonds
- A Girl’s Guide to Staring High School: – Chloe Blake Specifically for girls, this guide is a silent friend to help build confidence and resilience. It covers self Discovery, navigating friendships, study habits, and self-care, with letters from older girls sharing their experiences.
Finding Their Tribe in a Bigger Pond
Here’s something really important to remember: high school can be an amazing fresh start for kids who haven’t quite found their social groove in primary school.
The beautiful thing about bigger schools is the diversity they offer. While primary schools might have one netball team or one chess club, high schools often have multiple sports, interest groups, music ensembles, tech clubs, art collectives – you name it!
For some kids who felt like square pegs in round holes during primary school, high school can be where they finally discover “their people” – others who share their specific interests, quirky sense of humour, or unique perspective on the world.
I’ve lost count of how many parents have told me, “My child struggled socially in primary school, but in high school, they finally found their tribe in the robotics club/drama group/basketball team.”
When School Actually Starts
Once high school begins, here’s how you can support your child’s social transition without hovering:
1. Create Space for Processing
After school, your child might need different things on different days:
- Sometimes they’ll need to download every social detail
- Other times they’ll need quiet space to recharge
- Follow their lead, but always be available to listen
Try open questions like “Who did you sit with at lunch today?” rather than “Did you make any friends?” The pressure to report friend-making success can feel overwhelming.
2. Expect Some Social Exhaustion
The effort of navigating a new social landscape is genuinely tiring. Don’t be surprised if your usually chatty child is completely wiped out in the first few weeks. This doesn’t mean they’re unhappy – just that they’re using a lot of mental energy on figuring out the social terrain.
3. Watch for Signs They Need Extra Support
Most kids find their feet socially within the first term, but keep an eye out for:
- Ongoing reluctance to go to school
- Significant personality changes
- Withdrawing from activities they usually enjoy
- Physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches
If you notice these patterns continuing beyond the first few weeks, it might be worth chatting with their year coordinator or school counsellor.
4. Support New Connections
When your child mentions new names:
- Show interest without interrogating
- Offer to host new friends if your child is comfortable with that
- Help them join clubs or activities where they can deepen these budding friendships
- Remember that high school friendships often form around shared interests rather than just being in the same class
Supporting Neurodivergent Children Through the Transition
For children with autism, ADHD, or processing disorders, the high school transition can bring additional challenges. The combination of new routines, increased sensory input, and complex social dynamics can be particularly overwhelming.
Understanding Overwhelm and Meltdowns
If your neurodivergent teen is experiencing meltdowns during this transition, remember this isn’t bad behaviour or manipulation—it’s their nervous system responding to extreme stress. Signs that your child is approaching overwhelm might include:
- Becoming increasingly agitated or withdrawn
- Stimming more intensely than usual (rocking, flapping, pacing)
- Covering ears or eyes to block sensory input
- Using shorter sentences or becoming non-verbal
- Showing physical signs of stress like sweating or rapid breathing
Sensory Support Toolkit
Having the right tools can make a world of difference. Here are some items that can help a neurodivergent teen manage sensory overload:
- Weighted Lap Pad or Blanket: The gentle, deep pressure from a weighted blanket or lap pad can have a very calming effect on an overstimulated nervous system. It’s like a warm, reassuring hug.
- Fidget and Sensory Toys: Quiet fidget tools can be a lifesaver in the classroom or on the go. They provide a discreet outlet for nervous energy, which can improve focus and reduce anxiety.
Practical Strategies for Parents
Before school:
- Create a detailed visual schedule of the day, including transport routes and key locations
- Practice the school journey multiple times during holidays
- Request a map of quiet spaces at school where your child can retreat when overwhelmed
- Establish a morning routine that minimises sensory challenges (comfortable uniform options, headphones for the journey if needed)
- Consider a gradual transition plan with the school if full days seem too much initially
After school:
- Provide immediate downtime in a low-sensory environment
- Avoid questions or demands right after school—many neurodivergent teens need significant decompression time
- Establish a predictable after-school routine that includes rest
- Use visual or written communication if verbal communication seems too demanding
During a meltdown:
- Stay calm and speak minimally with a quiet, even tone
- Reduce sensory input (dim lights, reduce noise, create physical space)
- Avoid touching unless you know it’s calming for your child
- Don’t try to reason or problem-solve until they’re regulated
- Offer comfort items or sensory tools that usually help
- Remember that meltdowns aren’t choices—your child needs support, not consequences
Working with the school:
- Meet with the learning support team before school starts
- Create a “meltdown plan” that teachers can follow
- Identify a safe person your child can approach when feeling overwhelmed
- Request regular check-ins with year coordinator or school counsellor
- Consider a communication book or system between home and school (ensure whatever process you decide on does not embarrass your child).
Remember that with the right supports, many neurodivergent teens thrive in high school where their specific interests and strengths can be recognised and developed. The transition may take longer, but with patience and the right strategies, your child can find their place.
Working with the School
Schools know that social connection is crucial for successful transitions. Don’t hesitate to:
- Attend parent information sessions where you can meet other parents
- Connect with your child’s homeroom teacher or year coordinator if you have concerns
- Ask about peer support or buddy programs the school offers
- Find out about lunchtime clubs that might help your child connect with like-minded peers
Remember This Above All
The transition to high school is a marathon, not a sprint. Some kids click instantly with new friends, while others take a term or two to find their groove – both are completely normal.
Your child might cycle through several friendship groups before finding the right fit. They might reconnect with old primary school friends after initially drifting apart. They might discover that the quiet kid from their maths class shares their passion for manga or mountain biking.
The social landscape will shift and settle multiple times throughout high school. Your job isn’t to manage their friendships but to be their safe harbour – the place where they can process, reflect, and gather their confidence before heading back out into the social world.
By supporting them through this transition with patience and perspective, you’re helping them develop friendship skills that will serve them well beyond the high school gates.
Love,
Chelle 💗
Special Education Complex Supports and Family Support Specialist
This article is the final part of our series on supporting children’s friendships. For more advice on helping your child navigate social relationships, check out our previous posts on making friends in the playground and supporting children with social challenges: Helping Your Child Build Strong Friendships: A Parent’s Guide